"The Lord is pleased only with those who worship him and trust his love." -Psalm 119:19
A few weeks ago I went to a church service, just like every Wednesday. Little did I know that one song was about to spark a desire for change- change like I have never had. Let me rewind a little and explain. I went just expecting to sing some songs, hear a good message and go home to get some sleep. I didn't plan to feel any different after I left. God's plan for that night, however, was quite different from my own (always is, thankfully). On this day specifically, I remember having the stress and the struggles of the day just wearing me down.Then I hear the words...
"Oh, I've heard a thousand stories of what they think you're like. But I've heard the tender whisper of love in the dead of night. And you tell me that you're pleased and that I'm never alone."
This immediately tugs on my heart. I realize how much I am doing to please people. Generally, I try my best at everything. Whether that be academically, at work, or even in relationships (platonic and romantic). I try to please everyone, I want them to be proud of what I am doing or impressed by how much I can do. To hear such comforting words that God is pleased with me, with all that I have done, made me realize that He is the only one I should be working to please. The small things that nobody acknowledges, He sees. When we feel like failures and that we disappointed everyone, He is not disappointed.
Hearing the words, "I'm never alone" and truly believing that, is pretty incredible. Knowing that your friends may stab you in the back and leave, your significant other may decide they don't want to be with you, or your family may even turn their back on you, but God says, "As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you," (Joshua 1:5). How comforting to know that amidst all of our failures, shortcomings, mistakes, and sin, He will not leave us. This truth is unfathomable at times, that God loves us that much, that He will never leave us, no matter what. When we feel alone, like nobody cares, God is there. Even when alone, we aren't alone.
"You're a Good, Good Father. It's who you are, it's who you are, it's who you are. And I'm loved by you. It's who I am, It's who I am, It's who I am."
At this point, I already have tears welled up in my eyes. If you have ever felt just overcome with God's love then you know exactly what I was feeling in that moment. All we want is someone to love us and be proud of us. Serving a God who is pleased with us and never forsakes us can definitely be called not only a good father, but a good, good father.
Too many times we feel like we aren't good enough, like we aren't loved. This can stem from all kinds of different places. It can come from lack of affection from your parents as you grew up, heartbreak from someone you cared a lot about, or even just a lack of self-esteem. We are constantly being shown how we are supposed to act and look and when we don't fit into that small box of "ideal" then we feel less than. We ask questions like, "Why am I not pretty enough, smart enough, or rich enough?" or "What did I do wrong to not get the love I showed from this person?". But God sees us as perfect. We are fearfully and wonderfully made by Him (Psalm 139:14). How reassuring and wonderful it is to know that we are handcrafted by God. He made us the way we are on purpose, no accident or surprises. We are loved by God, for all the mess that we see in the mirror. God sees a masterpiece and loves us. Not the high school, "I love you" after 3 months (or weeks) of dating, but the I sent my son to die for you kind of love. Now try to say you aren't good enough.
"Oh, and I've seen many searching for answers far and wide. But I know we're all searching for answers only you provide, cause you know just what we need before we say a word."
I realized how much of my life I try to control. Finding the answers to questions that I will never know without God. How much time have we spent worrying, thinking, hoping for an answer? An answer on what to do, who to be with, and what to become. I find myself worrying over these things instead of looking to God for the answers. We are spending so much time trying to figure it out on our own. God knows the answer to these questions, he knows what we will do, who we will be with (wish he would tell me that one already) and what we will become. We don't even have to tell him what we need, he already knows. He knows before we even think of what we need. We have to stop trying to figure everything out for ourselves, and trust in His plans. "A man's heart plans his steps, but the Lord directs his path," (Proverbs 16:9). Why try to find answers and plan your steps, when the Lord directs your path?
"You are perfect in all of your ways. You are perfect in all of your ways. You are perfect in all of your ways to us."
Tears rolling down my face at this point of the song, casually trying to wipe them away before anyone notices. God is perfect in all his ways. He is the perfect father to us, to all of us.
"Oh, it's love so undeniable I, I can hardly speak. Peace so unexplainable I, I can hardly think. As you call me deeper still, as you call me deeper still, as you call me deeper still, into love, love, love."
Now I am just all smiles. Smiling because I am so strongly reminded of God's love and his promise to never leave us, things I have forgotten or ignored for the prior months before. God loves us so much and it is so evident in the fact that despite all of our sin, he hasn't left us. In Christ, we are given peace which is completely unexplainable. We don't deserve his love or peace, but are given both.
He calls us into a deeper relationship with Him. A continual growing relationship. One that includes spending time in prayer, scripture reading, meditation, confession, and a constant conversation with Him. He is constantly drawing us to Him, whether we have our bible in hand every day or it has collected dust in your drawer, he is drawing us. This is the point in the song in which I want to completely make a change in my life. God is calling me deeper still. Despite all the time I have spent being a less than obedient follower, God is calling me back to grow deeper in a relationship with Him.
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From that moment, I have wanted to spend time with God daily. I want to listen to music that would be pleasing to God. I want to say things and do things that are pleasing to God. A God that loves me and will never leave me deserves so much more than I can give, but surrendering my life is a start...(daily and even hourly reminder).
"If you don't surrender to Christ, you surrender to chaos." -E. Stanley Jones
Thank you God for calling me deeper still.
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