**Disclaimer: this is an honest reflection of my past relationships with no intent other than to simply share the lessons I have learned.**
If you've ever read my writing, you know two things about me by now.
I love the concept of love and I believe everything is a life lesson.
Recently, I read a post about relationships (go figure, I read them all). This post in particular discussed the different relationships that we tend to experience in our lifetime. It's been said that we tend to fall in love three times. These relationships occur for different reasons and in the end, teach us different things.
The first one
"Often our first relationship, typically occurs when we are young, in high school even. It's the idealistic love-the one that seems like the fairy-tales we read as children."
Oh, I remember high school love. While it was years ago, I can still remember how it made me feel. Seeing the cute boy in the hallway and catching eyes at each other. The beginning of the relationship felt so much like all the romance I had seen in every high school movie. When in reality, I was just a 15 year old thinking I knew what love was. It was the first butterflies, the sweaty palms, and getting picked up in his truck.
"We enter into it with the belief that this will be our only love and it doesn't matter if it doesn't feel quite right, or if we find ourselves having to swallow down our personal truths to make it work because deep down we believe that this is what love is supposed to be."
My first relationship, I felt like would last forever (don't we all). I had never had those kind of feelings for someone before, so of course I wanted to keep that person around. There were things we didn't agree on, but I figured that was just part of it, right? People disagree. The small disagreements slowly grew to bigger ones. While he was great, he just wasn't great for me. Unfortunately, when you're 15 you don't understand that. All you know is the feelings you have are real. However, time went on, things happened, and we had changed. I realized that it wasn't the right relationship for me.
Through this relationship I had learned that you shouldn't have to change what you believe in or how you act for someone else. I realized that you should not have to feel less than for any reason, no matter what. It also should have taught me not to be with someone that didn't truly value our relationship or more importantly, my heart. No worries, I learned that the hard way with the second one.
The second one
"The second is supposed to be our hard love-the one that teaches us about who we are and how we often want or need to be loved. We think we are making different choices than our first, but in reality we are still make choices out of the need to learn lessons-but we hang on."
The second time I fell in love was much different than the first, at least so I thought. It started out as a great relationship, we agreed on almost everything and got along really well. He really cared about my opinions and thoughts on different things. We enjoyed the same things, we laughed, and we didn't argue. This had to mean it would work out different than last time, right? I still can't pinpoint what went wrong and when. I think that is what made it so confusing at that time. Everything was great, but it still didn't work out. I thought, maybe it was just bad timing.
"Our second love can become a cycle, oftentimes one we keep repeating because we think that somehow the ending will be different than before. Yet, each time we try, it somehow ends worse than before."
Months later, we talked again, dated again, broke up...again. Months later, repeat. I remember thinking, okay this just isn't going to work out, it's not supposed to happen. But I always held on to the thought that it would work out, in time. After all, I was "in love". A few months later, it really seemed like things had changed. He made an effort like I had never seen before and seemed so sure of what he wanted. So, of course, I gave it another chance. It was great for a little bit, until the excitement wore off (yet again). After that breakup, I truly knew without a doubt that I was done. It was a liberating feeling, but also the most heartbreak I had experienced yet. Getting over it, I knew, would take a lot of tissues and even more prayer.
I really found out who I was during this off and on again time (almost four years). Through this relationship, I realized I should never wait around for someone who wanted to be with me until the newness and excitement wore off. I really struggled with self-worth during these few years, I mean how could you not? It was so on and off, I felt like it kept ending because of me, something I did (don't worry, I know that's not the case now). I also had to reevaluate my life and learn that romantic relationships are not the most important thing in life.
Although I did struggle at times, that season of singleness was some of my most maturing moments. I came to learn who I was, what I wanted, and really got to spend time focusing on myself (please find time to always do this). I spent a lot of time with The Lord. Some days being angry that I was hurting, but most days praying for the future husband that would be the immeasurably more I had always wanted.
The Third One
"And the third is the love we never see coming. The one that usually looks all wrong for us and that destroys any lingering ideals we clung to about what love is supposed to be. This is the love that comes so easy it doesn’t seem possible. It’s the kind where the connection can’t be explained and knocks us off our feet because we never planned for it."
After some time, and dealing with any lingering feelings or heart break I had from past relationships, the love I never saw coming, came. It's hard to really explain how it all happened, it just kind of did, unexpectedly. It was so easy to be myself around him, to laugh and to be serious with him. I was pretty smitten from the first time we hung out. I think back to that day, and can still remember how much I laughed and smiled at him (but trying to play it cool of course).
"This is the love where we come together with someone and it just fits—there aren’t any ideal expectations about how each person should be acting, nor is there pressure to become someone other than we are."
I felt so myself around him, more so than I had with anyone else. I wanted to show him who I was, and didn't even think of getting my heartbroken (well not that much anyways). We just seemed to go together so well and it was so easy.
"It's the love that just feels right."
As cheesy as it sounds, being with him feels right (yes we are still together). It feels like no other relationship I had or could ever have, would be better than the one I have with him. He makes me feel wanted, respected, and adored. Everyday seems like a new adventure with him. He stills makes me laugh and smile like he did the first time we hung out. Of course we argue, but five minutes later we are laughing about it. He truly has become my best friend and someone I completely trust.
Being with him, makes it all worth it. All the tears I shed for boys (they weren't worth it) and nights I wondered why I wasn't good enough, led me here. To the goofiest, most handsome, wonderful guy I have ever met.
Be sure you find the love that feels right.
But know, the first and second love will teach you lessons that you will be forever grateful for.
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