"Simple things become complicated when you expect too much. Expectation truly is the root of all heartache. Don't let it get the best of you."
Pointing out my flaws has never been something I’ve liked to do. Of course, I look in the mirror every once in a while and no amount of makeup or hair product will fix how I’m looking that day, but apart from that I’m not too fond of looking at the flaws or struggles in my life- which may be a problem in itself.
In the past couple years I have really had a tough time with being let down from situations that have happened. I have a habit of setting an expectation or hope of how something is going to turn out, and it never goes likes I envision it will. Now I’m not saying there is harm in hoping for something or setting an expectation of how things should be, but when it comes to the point of how someone should act or trying things multiple times in order to get the desired outcome, that’s when it becomes a struggle, at least for me. This seems to appear more frequently in one of the utmost important things, my relationships.
"Sometimes we create our own heartbreaks through expectations."
Within the last few months especially, I have noticed that I am constantly setting expectations or imagining how everything should go in my head. In a relationship I had, I really noticed it and tried to refrain from it, but old habits die hard. I found myself expecting him to say or do something, and when he didn’t I would be disappointed or upset. I can remember giving him a gift and him not reacting the way I wanted or saying something sweet and not hearing much in return. Now some may say that is his problem and sometimes I would agree, but I shouldn’t be expecting a specific response and get disappointed when that isn’t what I get. I think this is a common flaw for girls, but it’s silly to get upset or disappointed when he can’t hang out, when he doesn’t call you pretty all of the time, or doesn’t plan the most extravagant date (although I am pretty appreciative of any date planned by the male species).
Unrealistic expectations has also played a part in other areas of my life. I think because of this, I also tend to give people chance after chance after chance in hopes that the outcome will be different; that it will be my expected outcome. Let’s say I learned this lesson the hard way. As I sit and reflect on times in my life where I have either given or taken another chance at something, it always seems to be because I didn’t like the outcome. I’m not talking about if you don’t get the job, try again or if you don’t get in that program, try again. This kind of trying again is giving people second and third chances when you want the outcome to be different. I seem to really listen to the quote, “if at first you don’t succeed try, try again,” maybe a little too much.
"Unrealistic expectations of the way it should be, prevents us from ever being happy with the way it is."
This pattern seems to appear most in my romantic relationships unfortunately. I have dated a couple people in which I learned a lot about myself and what I wanted, but that didn't come without realizing that the outcome wasn't going to be what I or someone else wanted. I used to think I gave romantic relationships a second or third try because I was just comfortable with them, and that may be partly true. I already knew if they were a morning person or not, if they ate until they were sick like me, and what they were passionate about. But over the past couple of years, I realized a lot of it was this expectation I had of it working out because it was the outcome or more appropriately the conclusion, that I wanted or thought I did. This isn't something that has only happened with one person, it has been with most of the relationships I have had. I think giving up or "letting go" of the way you think something should happen is an important lesson, one I'm still trying to learn.
I think most people would, and sometimes do, say to me that I just need to move on. What makes moving on for me so difficult is expectations I have set in my head. I have had the mindset that if it doesn’t work the first time, well maybe things will be different the second. Maybe it wasn’t the right timing, maybe we’ve matured, maybe everything will line up just right and my hopes will finally be met. So far, that tactic has only left with more heartbreak than I care to admit. That is why I see this as such a flaw. Don’t get me wrong, through the heartbreak and relationships I have had, I’ve learned so much about myself and about love, but if it weren’t for this desire to fulfill my unrealistic outcomes then I wouldn’t have suffered half as much. Although these outcomes must not have been God’s will for my life, it hasn’t always made it easy to just let go of, as it would be for others.
"God, help me find the middle ground between unrealistic expectations and no expectations at all."
Part of all of us have that outcome we hope to attain or that expectation we want to be met. Whether that be in a relationship or another part of our life. In realizing this was something I struggled with, naturally, I wanted to know how to fix it. Do I not give anyone a second chance? Which outcomes do you hold on to and which do you let go? Am I supposed to not expect someone to react positively to something I say or do? How am I supposed to get past my entanglement of all the outcomes and expectations I hold on to?
I don’t have the answer.
I guess that’s why they call it a struggle.
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