"Surround yourself with people who see your value and remind you of it."
As long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be liked. Whether that be by a complete stranger, an acquaintance, a friend, or that cute guy in class (although I never seem to have those in mine). Of course I tried harder for these people to like me, to think I was interesting. As far as I can tell, we all seem to feel this way. We tend to be more outgoing, kinder, and "on our best behavior," so that we are liked, or at least noticed. We focus so much of our time and effort on being liked by others when we should be focusing instead on being valued, and valuing others.
After experiencing the hurt of relationships ending, both platonic and romantic, I realized I was just liked, but never valued. How can you be valued? That's a question I repeatedly have asked myself for a while now. By definition, valued is considered to be important or beneficial. It means to be loved, dear, valuable, priceless, beloved, prized, precious, admired, appreciated, cherished, and highly regarded. After taking these words and comparing them to my romantic relationships, I realized I have never been valued, at least not in its entirety.
"Just because someone desires you, does not mean that they value you."
To be valued means to not be taken for granted.
To be valued is to be appreciated for the kind of person you are.
To be valued is to be considered special and important.
To be valued is to have your boundaries respected.
To be valued is to be treated like a prize.
To be valued is to be heard and not just listened to.
To be valued is to feel loved, dear, valuable, priceless, beloved, prized, precious, admired, appreciated, cherished, and highly regarded, every single day.
There is a difference between being liked by a man and valued by a man. A lot of guys may like you, but not many will value you.
Be valued.
"By placing a higher value upon yourself from the beginning, you will find that the sorts of people that you attract are simply of a higher caliber."
The next question I found myself asking was, "how do I make sure I am valued in a relationship?". After a little research (Google is my best friend) I discovered how I personally thought I could obtain a valued relationship.
First off, don't wait around for someone else. I'll admit, I waited and waited and waited for someone. While I grew and learned so much about myself through that, I did waste a lot of time, time I could have used more productively. Just as you don't want to waste others' time, don't waste the most precious time- your own. To be valued in a relationship you must first start with making sure you are valuing yourself. If you don't value yourself, you are giving the impression it is okay for others not to value your time.
Only partake in relationships where you feel respected. If they cannot respect your boundaries, your morals, your opinions, or your feelings, walk away. At first, they may respect the choices you have made, but be careful, over time that may change. Also, find a man who respects you even when you aren't around. If they choose not to respect you, someone else will.
Avoid those who try to control you or your decisions. We enjoy making our own decisions and developing our own opinions, as we should. I personally have never dealt with this because I'm too stubborn to be told what to do, but I have heard so many stories from friends of someone who controlled their every move. If you allow someone else to start doing that for you, you give up your individuality and sense of self. No one can be you, better than you, so don't even give someone the opportunity to attempt to.
Never make excuses for someone else or their behavior. If you find yourself making excuses, you can guarantee you are settling for less than you deserve. When you start to care for someone, you overlook the way they act, especially towards you. Realize that unacceptable behavior isn't something you have to put up with and make excuses for, but instead something you choose to. Find someone that you are proud and happy to be around-not someone you have to stick up for.
If you don't feel like a priority, you probably aren't. This is a simple concept to understand, but a difficult one to apply to yourself. If you feel like someone isn't making time for you, isn't giving you their undivided attention, or if they are always putting other things before you, you are far from a priority. There is a difference in constantly needing your partners attention and deserving their attention, effort, and time. A lot of the time, I was a priority at the beginning of the relationship but always slowly seemed to become less of one. A relationship like this will never last. From my experience, I found that individuals that cannot make their relationship a priority, simply aren't ready for one. Someone who values you, will always make you a priority.
The "honeymoon" stage is one we are all familiar with. It is when you can't get enough of your partner. You constantly want to see, talk, and be around them. As time goes by, if they slowly start to respect you less, their behavior changes, you are no longer a priority, and they even start controlling you, walk away. Don't stay in the relationship hoping that things will go back to the way they used to be. If you realize the way you are being treated, doesn't make you feel valued, end it. God has someone who will value you, just as Christ values us.
"Go and love someone exactly as they are. And then watch how quickly they transform into the greatest, truest version of themselves. When one feels seen and appreciated in their own essence, one is instantly empowered." -Wes Angelozzi
It's hard to know the difference between being liked and being valued, especially when your heart is invested. Although knowing someone likes you or desires you is flattering, and you may like the attention that it provides, realize that immersing yourself in it will only leave you hurt in the end. Understand that you deserve to be valued, not just liked or desired.
Appreciate, respect, admire, cherish, and value those around you.
After all, you attract what you expect and reflect what you desire.
Value others and be valued,
Comentarios